Friday, March 18, 2016

To the Boy Who Broke Me

I think back to the day often, the day when you broke me emotionally and shattered my heart like a mirror; leaving it scattered all over the floor. I remember that day like it was yesterday. Sometimes when I think back, I press my hand against my heart as I remember the pain.

The pain… It was awful. You left me for another girl, another girl who would end up deceiving you like you deserved.

All the signs were there. It was right in front of my face, but I refused to believe the raw facts that were practically thrown from the sky; knocking me over the head. The thing is, when you love someone so much, you hide all the hurtful things they do or say. You love them, you can’t help it. You want more than anything to see the best in them, even if that means covering up the bad.

I remember going home. I slammed my door shut so hard; framed pictures fell off the wall. I dropped to my knees in the middle of my room. Tears were streaming down my face like a waterfall. They wouldn’t stop. I held my arms around my stomach, rocking back and forth. It was getting hard to breathe. I started hyperventilating.

My heart hurt. It hurt so much. I thought, in that moment, I was going to die right then and there from a broken heart.

I loved you so much. I loved you more than you deserved. You tore my whole world apart and sent me spiraling into oblivion. You shattered me, every part of me. I was completely and utterly broken and it was all your fault. You did that to me. You hurt me so much to the point I thought I was dying.

I wish you could feel the pain I felt that day. I wish more than anything you could get a taste of it, and experience the aching I had, not only in my heart, but in my world. Everything felt pointless. Life felt meaningless without you in it, well, that’s what I thought at the time.

I don’t hate you. I should hate you, but I don’t. I needed to encounter that pain so I could finally open my eyes and realize how toxic you were for me. You and I were like fire and gasoline; two people who don’t belong together.

It wasn’t all bad…

You did teach me a lot. You taught me how to love unconditionally and wholeheartedly, to open myself up to bigger opportunities in life, to feel a passion that lit a fire up inside of me, to challenge me, and most importantly, you taught me to care about someone other than myself.

But, you were not meant to stay in my life, only to cross my path and teach me things that would make me a better person. You did break me… Ohhh you broke me so bad. But, this is me, thanking you for shattering my heart, because if you didn’t, then I wouldn’t be the woman I am today.

Author Olivia Howe

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